Edit: You swicth tenses a lot too. Your story is all over the place jumping from scene to scene real fast just so you can skip forward to tell everyone how hot this guy is. It’s a new Twilight in the making. And from what you’ve written I’m thinking you’ve never met a real goth, you’ve only met those girls who shop at Hot Topic because they think its a goth store. Also, goths don’t always wear all black. Nor do all goths wear ridiculous amounts of eyeliner.